Isaiah 40:31 says,
But they that wait upon the lord shall renew their strength: they shall mount up with wings as eagles: they shall run and not be weary: and they shall walk , and not faint.
O.K so here it is, I’m getting raw and personal . There is a song I sometimes hear on the radio. The lyrics go something like this,
so stand in the rain,
stand your ground
stand up when it all comes crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day, what’s lost can be found
You stand in the rain
Well right now in our lives everything has come crashing down. My beautiful mother died 4wks ago from a self inflicted gunshot wound, something I always feared. The past few weeks have been at times unbelievable, unbearable and just down right crushing. I know where my hope lies, but my heart can’t see past the grief. Some days I just want to run and never stop to look back. But then I see my girls trying to understand why their mema is gone,
and I realize I’ve got to be strong for them.
Many things have also died along with my mom. My understanding of how I fit into a not so blended family, and the loss of my moms personal possessions. These issues have complicated an already devastating time and saddened and grieved me in ways that are indescribable. My heart continues to struggle with these and a host of other things. But, I believe through it all my God is still in control! I know that even though I don’t feel or see it now that my pain will be turned into beauty, and all that’s been lost will be restored. Psalm 147:3 tells me that, He heals the broken hearted, and binds up their wounds. This is the promise I must hang on to. I also take great comfort in knowing that even though my mom took her own life, she was a believer in Jesus Christ. And that the pain, that caused her to make that life ending decision is now over, as she rests in the arms of her heavenly Father at peace. One day we’ll be together again, but until then I will continue to strive to live a life of honor and integrity.
Many things have also died along with my mom. My understanding of how I fit into a not so blended family, and the loss of my moms personal possessions. These issues have complicated an already devastating time and saddened and grieved me in ways that are indescribable. My heart continues to struggle with these and a host of other things. But, I believe through it all my God is still in control! I know that even though I don’t feel or see it now that my pain will be turned into beauty, and all that’s been lost will be restored. Psalm 147:3 tells me that, He heals the broken hearted, and binds up their wounds. This is the promise I must hang on to. I also take great comfort in knowing that even though my mom took her own life, she was a believer in Jesus Christ. And that the pain, that caused her to make that life ending decision is now over, as she rests in the arms of her heavenly Father at peace. One day we’ll be together again, but until then I will continue to strive to live a life of honor and integrity.
One that brings glory and honor to my Father, And would make my mom proud!
Ralph Waldo Emerson has a poem that defines success, it reads like this.
To laugh often and much, To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends. To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others! To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition, to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.
This is you mom! You succeeded the rest despite your struggle.
Love you always!
Jen
